Do Parents Have A Favorite?

A classmate asked me once, “Do parents have a favorite?” I answered yes, of course. She was somewhat taken aback until I explained. For me, I love all my kids very much, but not equally, because I do not know how it is possible to love different people the same. I love the things that are unique to each child, with the equal passion of a fierce mother hen. Sure, this one bugs me at the moment, or I am worried about the other one, but individually, I love them with the kind of love that has no bounds, no end, no score keeping, no matter what they do, they will always and forever be the love(s) of my soul.

So, what about the favorite? Well that depends. If a child is hurt, sick or in big trouble, of course as a parent you are going to be spending all your energy worrying and/or helping that child. On the other hand, there is nothing better, than to sit back and with a satisfied sigh say to yourself, “ahhh, they are all launched, self sustaining and happy”. To my friend, who was in college, paying her own way, buying a home and happy with her partner and had a sibling that was still living at home, still burdening their parents, still unsure which way to fly, I said, I betcha, you are the favorite, even though it seems your parents don’t spend the energy on you. Parents are human, with all their flaws and just like you, they only have so much energy to spread around. Some are better at communication than others.

I had a dear friend, commit suicide, many years ago. Since then I’ve made a point of telling people I care about, that I love them. I do the same with my children. Each son is very different from the other and I absolutely love that. I love different things about each one and worry about different things about each one. When the youngest was deployed overseas, understandably my thoughts were often on that child. But, do I love any of my boys more than the other, no, not even a little bit. The same holds true for my daughter-in-laws and my grandchildren.

To my own children I would answer the question, “Who is my favorite, why YOU are of course, … but don’t tell your brothers… lol.

Love, Mom

Stoke ID signs

I generally don’t like chain emails or emails that have been forwarded.  I did get this one recently, that was a good public service and easy to remember.    
   STROKE: Remember   the 1st Three Letters…. S.  T. R. (stroke)  

   STROKE   IDENTIFICATION: a story all too similar to something we’ve all witnessed.
 
 During  a BBQ, a woman stumbled and took a little fall –  she assured  everyone that she was fine  (they offered to call  paramedics) .she  said she had just tripped over  a brick  because of her new shoes. 

   They   got her cleaned up and got her a new plate  of  food. While she appeared a bit shaken  up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of  the  evening 

   Jane’s  husband called later  telling everyone that  his wife had been taken to  the hospital  –  (at  6:00  pm  Jane passed away.) She had  suffered a stroke at the BBQ.

Had they known how  to identify the  signs of a stroke, perhaps  Jane would be with  us today.

A   neurologist says that if he can get to a  stroke  victim within 3 hours he can  totally reverse the  effects of a  stroke…totally. He said  the trick  was getting a stroke recognized,   diagnosed, and then getting the patient   medically cared for within 3 hours.   So don’t be afraid to be a little pushy, a little over concerned.

RECOGNIZING  A STROKE 

Remember the ‘3’  steps, STR  (stroke).

Sometimes  symptoms of a  stroke are difficult to  identify. Unfortunately,  the lack of  awareness spells disaster. The  stroke  victim may suffer severe brain damage  when  people nearby fail to recognize the   symptoms of a stroke. 

Now  doctors say a  bystander can recognize a  stroke by asking three  simple  questions: 
 

S   *Ask   the individual to SMILE. 
T   *Ask   the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE  SENTENCE

                  Coherently, i.e.  It is sunny out  today.

R  *Ask   the person to RAISE BOTH   ARMS. 

   If  he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of  these  tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the  dispatcher. 

  

 

New   Sign of a Stroke ——– Stick out Your   Tongue 

   NOTE:   Another ‘sign’ of a stroke is this: Ask  the  person to ‘stick’ out his tongue.. If  the tongue  is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one  side or the  other,   that  is  also an indication of a   stroke. 

   A   cardiologist says if everyone who gets  this  e-mail sends it to 10 people; you can  bet that  at least one life will be saved.   
    I   have done my part. Will   you?

Divorce

From time to time, because I’ve been to law school, friends ask me to refer them to a divorce attorney.  I usually send them to a friend I went to school with, somone I know will do a good job.  But… I also usually try to talk them out of it.  Why?  It is not that I am against divorce, I’ve done that myself.  It is because when to me, an outsider, it appears there is something worth saving, it is so much better to give the marriage another try.  Divorce is ugly.  It brings out a side in people you never knew existed.  Things are said that can’t be unsaid.  No one wins, everyone in the family is affected.  If you have kids, no one else is going to love your kids as much as you and your spouse does.  No one else is going to have those collective memories of your children and your family life.  If you have money issues, then work together to fix them.  No one person should shoulder all the weight.  If the problem is sex or your relationship, get help and go into the sessions with the right attitude, meaning, you are willing to listen, learn and do whatever it takes.  Marriage is not easy, but then again either is being single.  While it might seem as though the grass is greener, believe me, it is not.  If you are approaching retirement and not independently wealthy, give your head a shake, starting over in your golden years is very difficult.  That said, yes, I am single, divorced and for the most part happy about my decisions, but in hindsight, I might have done things differently…. or not.

Rock & Roll, the new Journey

For you old rockers out there, WOW, Journey is back and has an amazing new singer: Arnel Pineda from the Philippines. A tear jerking story of poverty to riches, you can’t help but wish all the best to this hot new voice. Being an old rock and roller, I love the energy and humanity Arnel brings to a favorite band. http://www.everymansjourney.com/ Listening to his voice and knowing his story makes you believe in miracles, that anything is possible and gives you a reason to “Don’t Stop Believin.”

Over draft fees

I read this article in law.com titled “Overdraft Fees Suit Stays Alive in Federal Court” by Julie Kay, dated 3/16/10. I admit to doing a little victory dance when I read it. Doesn’t it just piss you off when you think you know how much money you have in the bank, I mean you just made a deposit on Friday, and then you went merrily on your way through the weekend, making 10, 15 small purchases for under twenty dollars each, only to find out the bank held your deposit until Monday night and now you have over $300 worth of over draft charges on items that didn’t even total much more than a hundred bucks. That just fries my butt. If the bank isn’t going to credit my account the money I deposited, then don’t let me use the damn ATM. I know, I know, they say to you in that oh so kind voice, but… we were doing you a favor, lending you the money you needed, so now… well you owe us BIG. The article cites a recent report by the Center for Responsible Lending (http://www.responsiblelending.org/) indicating U.S. banks generated $24 billion in overdraft fees in 2008.”   Holy cow and they needed to be bailed out???

How is the public supposed to get behind all this spending, when the big companies get bailed out when they screw up and us little guys just get screwed?

Now this is one of the reasons we need lawyers, don’t ya think?

(http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1202446241220&pos=ataglance&src=EMC-Email&et=editorial&bu=Law.com&pt=LAWCOM%20Newswire&cn=NW_20100316&kw=Overdraft%20Fees%20Suit%20Stays%20Alive%20in%20Federal%20Court#)

My youngest son deployed to Iraq.

My youngest son deployed to Iraq on Saturday. He called me 2 hrs before his plane left to say good bye. We talked for a couple of minutes and then hung up. It suddenly occurred to me that I didn’t know when I would see this child again. I immediately called back sobbing and told him to be extra careful and to come home safe, he gently told me, “Yes mom, I will.”

My son, is a West Point graduate, so his being deployed is not something I was surprised about. As a parent you tell yourself, he has been well trained, he is in great shape, his people are good people… over and over you remind yourself of these facts and yet… there is this ineffable fear lodged in your throat when your child is being deployed. You don’t care about politics, about faceless people you don’t know, a place you can hardly find on the map, all you can think about is your child and all the other children, being sent into a place where people have guns and bombs and they might use them to hurt your child. It doesn’t matter how old your child is, for that matter it could be your brother, sister, spouse or parent, all you know is you want that person to come home safe.

Personally, it makes me feel a little crazy, wanting to grab our decision makers and force them to see and know the people they are sending to war. To KNOW the precious people they are putting at risk, so that hopefully their decisions are well thought out and are responsible decisions.

I remember graduation week at West Point. Oh my goodness, the fabulous young people I met and their families. These were the shining examples of all that was good in our youth. I sobbed every time I congratulated someone and looked them in the eye and said, “you take care of yourself,” to which they solemnly replied, “Yes, ma’am, I will.” The families were people you wished you had for neighbors, good, kind, God fearing, flag-waving people who loved their families.

To all our soldiers: Thank You for your service. To their families and loved ones: May they come home soon and unhurt.

Thoughts on Health Care costs

Okay, I’m just getting started. Heard something on CNN today and it bugged me. The topic was health care and why it costs so much. One of the reasons the health insurers gave was the high costs of malpractice insurance. Blaming lawyers yet again for the problem. I have done some medical billing for a couple of doctors. I know, from seeing the checks from insurance companies, doctors get paid about 60 cents on the dollar, of what they bill. This is supported by the Physicians for a National Health Program website, it says, “paperwork consume(s) one-third (31 percent) of every health care dollar” http://www.pnhp.org/. I also know that insurance companies play their own version of a shell game, constantly sending back bills saying they require more information or the form was incorrectly filled out, often times months after it was billed. My goodness, doctors need to have someone on staff, just to follow up on medical billing and related issues, further increasing their overhead. However, the top executives in the insurance industry are being paid millions in yearly salaries. For example, (according to http://sickforprofit.com/ceos/)

UnitedHealth CEO Stephen J. Hemsley was paid over 3.2 million in salary for 2009 and has $744,232,068 million in unexercised stock options. I won’t even comment on the fact that he was the “Former Managing Partner and CFO of Arthur Andersen.”

CIGNA CEO Edward Hanway earned over 120 million for his “Five-Year Compensation, as of April 30, 2008” and has $28,881,000 of unexercised stock options.

WellPoint CEO Angela Braly earned a mere 9+ million in 2007, while

Aetna CEO Ronald A. Williams earned 23 million in 2007.

The list goes on… if 31% goes to paper costs, the top exec’s are being paid millions, why are the lawyers at fault????

Before I go on, let me take one step back. Not only do doctors only get about 60 cents on the dollar from insurance companies, they can’t tell the patient that. Thus, if you are paying cash, you might want to ask if your doctor will take a discount.

Okay, back to lawyers and why malpractice is so high. Coming from a legal background I think a little insight is needed here. Many attorneys will take on a personal injury case on a contingency basis. Sure, we all have heard about how much attorneys make in these cases, but let me give you a little insight. A law firm must make money, like any other business. They have to decide if taking a case is a good risk for them, meaning: are the likely to win. Once they take on a case, it could take more than a year before a verdict is rendered. In the mean time, thousands of hrs have been spent by the entire staff preparing for trial. I happen to believe that if they win, cool, give them the money, they earned it. For those who would argue that the large settlements are what is driving up the costs of malpractice insurance and thus medical costs, then figure out a way that those who need representation to get it and those doing the representation are fairly paid for the expense of putting on a trial and all the costs associated with the time and skill required to do so.

But, this is an entirely different topic for discussion.

According to the Washington Post on 7/21/09 in its Daily Dose, by By Dan Eggen, it reports how the health industry is “pour millions of dollars into lobbying.” All I read and hear about is millions being spent by the health industry, to pay lobbyists, pay their CEO’s and stock prices are up. It seems like common sense to me, rather than pointing the figure at someone else, (lawyers), why not man up and admit, well heck yes, we made a ton of money and were going to keep on doing so, thus why we are increasing our rates. Come on America, give your head a shake and remember to think. If we went to a single payer health plan, eliminated all those millions being spent to keep the status quo, it doesn’t take an advanced degree to figure out that the costs for insurance would go down.

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is my first post.  Having fun while I learn about a new media.